Sunday, February 23, 2014

California, Here I Come!


Anticipating the end of my sun gazing process, I had arranged to go to California with Marinna for a few weeks.  When her trip got cancelled, another way was opened up immediately.  My dear friends Christopher and Megan were staying with me for a week while they prepared to move to California.  I made the request to come with them and everything just kept flowing from there. 
After a nine month process of gazing at the sun, which I completed January 31, 2014 at 44 minutes, the next phase is to walk barefoot on bare earth, 45 minutes a day, in the sun.  Since I live in Park City Utah, the ground is covered in snow and ice.  So beach time is a good solution.  

Secondly, I finally have clarity about how I want to do my blogs.  Now I want to get several ready to post so I can be consistent.  It’s hard to find time at home with so many distractions.  Finally, I felt I needed time out from my intimates to support myself in letting go of the emotional issues I am currently moving out of. There were many reasons to go and everything lined up beautifully.
While in California, I witnessed a scenario very similar to my own two year old spanking.  The child was in a lot of pain.  Instead of a spanking for crying, she received a very tender, nurturing, present response.  As the child's needs were met, I saw my own experience transform right before my eyes, into a very nurturing parental response.  It was very healing.  

Another thing I witnessed that was so beautiful and healing is the way Megan, a perfectionist in her own right, took time out from all the unpacking to nurture herself and her little one as needed, instead of getting caught up in "what needed to be done".  A great model for me.
My own body in so much pain, I have the opportunity to be gentle and loving with it, and give myself what I need without the stories filled with worries that something is wrong, as in the past.  I choose to see every experience as part of my transformational process.  
I choose to see the pain as negative thought patterns leaving my body.  Since the beginning of winter, I have felt a change stirring deep within me, a sort of shaking up.  I don’t know if the pure energy from the sun is cleaning out, or if it’s the QEC tapping, or the energies of the earth with the Great Change.  Maybe a combination.  It doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that I stay 100% present in every moment, in gratitude, grounded in peace, loving myself.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

QEC Quantum Emotional Clearing

I learned with the fast to pay close attention to whatever showed up in my space and to see it as a reflection of the conflict I was feeling within.  I was beating myself up for making no progress on the book I was instructed to write. I knew it was a birth issue and didn’t know how to move through it.  So I beat myself up for that.  My dear friend, Marinna had come faithfully twice a month to support me and I had produced nothing.  I couldn’t even seem to get clear about how to start.  In the meantime, I attracted lots of attacks from my intimates, (people I’m closest to).  
I gave myself permission to not write the book at all.  It was too much of a struggle.  Finally, one morning in November as I was waking up, I asked myself, "What am I excited to get out of bed for?"  Nothing.  I had a daily routine I enjoyed, but nothing I was excited about.  I asked my self, "What would I be excited to do if nothing could stop me"?  The answer came in very clearly.  “Write my book”.
As soon as I recommitted with an intention to move through anything that got in the way, I started noticing little signs of co-dependency in my intimate relationships.  I could feel our relationships were about to change. They needed to.

My sister came to stay with me for a few days and asked if I wanted her to do some QEC with me.  I had never really been drawn to the tapping methods.  I agreed to allow her to practice on me to give her experience for certification.  I knew I was looking for assistance to move forward on my book and wondered if this is what Spirit was offering me.  I give everything a possibility.  As we tapped, I received some great clarity in excruciating detail from a book called Messages of the Body by Dr. Michael J.  Lincoln Ph.D.
For the next two months I experienced what I will refer to as a major emotional detox.  I was physically taken to a place of extreme discomfort.  I frantically tapped out the negative and tapped in the positive.  It felt like the rumbling inside of me turned into a full on earthquake!  
I was coming to the end of my sun gazing process, so I spent 40+ minutes with the morning sun, meditating, praying, breathing and giving thanks.  I finally remembered my Vapassana training, to BE WITH the pain.  Love the pain. Do not resist it, or wish it away.  See it as sankaras (negative thought patterns) leaving the body.  Appreciate the body releasing them.  See the healing.  Acknowledge the stories that come up in your head as you release them.  I chose to relax that part of me that holds onto the pain of the past.  It was part of my unconscious identity.  
As uncomfortable as the subconscious prison of my mind was, it was all I knew as a child.  It was normal.  What would I do if I were free of the responsibility of my family and of all the world wars constantly breaking out that I had to fix?  If I let go of the pain and the stories of my past who would I be?  It felt like my subconscious was having a freak out!
At the same time, I could clearly see how every little detail of my healing was being guided and supported by angels, seen and unseen.  I experienced several angels administering to me.  I could feel the cleansing energy moving down my spine.  Finally the muscle relaxed.
Yet the pain persisted.  Not in the muscle, but in the pleura. (the thin serous membrane around the lung and inner walls of the chest.)  I finally relaxed and made a decision to trust my body to know, in its wisdom, when it was ready to let go.  Perhaps the body being made of denser matter takes more time to process than Spirit.  I made myself as comfortable as possible and stayed present with the process.  Each day seemed a tiny improvement.  I imagined if I needed the pain as a reminder of what I needed to let go, I surrender in gratitude.  I hoped it wasn't a belief system I was running that my healing process had to be painful.  I do believe we create from the exact level of our awareness.  Observe!

It reminded me of the long recovery from the fast.  In fact the pain I experienced during the fast was in the same exact location.  I didn’t have the tools of awareness provided in Messages of the Body then.   What I had developed at that time was 100% presence in every moment with no judgement about good and bad.


“Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Time and No Time

As 2013 came to a close and I reflected back on the year, significant themes seemed to surface.  I noticed that many people were experiencing life with more intensity than ever before.  Instead of the experience being in your space, it's in your FACE.  There is NO TIME to analyze, you simply must make choices for Love and move forward.  My Mayan friend Francesco says this is the "time of no time", since Dec. 21, 2012, when the Mayan Long count Calendar ended.  Earth is in a new cycle in the calendar of time. . . or is it OUT of TIME?  

I have always had a fascination with prophecies, wondering how it will all play out and if any of them would come to pass in my lifetime.  A1997 video called Awakening to Zero Point,  by Greg Braden, documents the prophecies of all the world's religions concerning this time of great change, and synchronizes them with recorded geological changes in the earth's behavior.  

This was the first I had heard of the Mayan long count calendars that track time more accurately than any other source.  At the same time, I read a book called The Holy Science,  by Swami Sri Yukteswar about the 26,000 year reoccurring cycles of civilization on Earth called Yugas.  A Yuga is made up of five, 5,500 year periods.

I spent a little over two weeks in August with Francesco, a Mayan Elder from Guatemala who has an extensive knowledge of the sacred Mayan calendars and ancient teachings of the Maya as well as their prophecies.  He spoke of the 26,000 cycle as well.  He said that we are now on the last of the five periods.  He said this last period is when the masculine and feminine energies harmonize.

He also taught me about the 20 sacred calendars called Nawals.  Each Nawal has its own characteristic energies and operates on 13 different levels or vibrations.  I find it fascinating that this understanding all came to me in 2013.  

The last night of Francesco's visit to the U. S., he taught me the key to Mayan calendars 20:13, the codex.  It looks like a map of the universe.  It contains the "spiral of Life" symbol found in all indigenous cultures around the world. 


The day after the Mayan couple left, our fall Tai Chi class began.  I was so happy to have Gary’s support.  I was having difficulty getting grounded.  Something was stirring and it wasn’t leaving.  Yet, I felt at peace deep within me.
When I had some body work done, it was suggested that the bubbly joy I had been experiencing in my upper chakras, was simply integrating into my lower chakras.  So my experience of Joy was more of savoring quality rather than bubbly.  This suggestion landed.  It felt right on.  Yet there was something stirring in me that made me a little irritable at times.  My energy felt compromised.

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Outgrow the Need for Food?

I don't know that inedia is a means to immortality, nor do I have a plan. I have a lot of excitement around exploring "beyond belief", all the possibilities available to the human race. There is still much to learn.  My hope is that we learn together.  Anything you are called to share is welcomed.

Doing the fast may be seen as a form of asceticism.  A few months ago, I recognized a lifelong pattern that started in puberty, of denying myself the pleasure of food and then binging as a reward when no one was looking. I suspected I had a food addiction, but it shocked me to realize that this could in reality be an eating disorder.  This awareness assisted me in being even more conscious around my relationship to food, and being more present with subtle emotions.  It also made sense why the hardest part of any fast for me was taking in food again.  When I started eating food again, it was as though it was an addiction.  I was ravenous.

I love the mindset the fast taught me, of trusting my body to do what it needs and assist me in knowing what that is, instead of thinking there is something wrong with me that needs fixing.  I made a decision to just allow myself to outgrow my food addiction naturally.

It seems that since I set this intention in motion, my body has been responding.  I cannot overeat even a little without going into extreme discomfort.  With sun gazing to support me, I have lost a lot of my desire for unconscious eating. It has changed my mindset around food.  I don't starve myself.  I give myself permission to eat what I love without judgement.  

Do you think the sun is one of many viable sources of food we have not yet developed?  I wonder if in our evolution, there is a connection between our search for more sustainable sources of energy, and the information surfacing about alternative sources of food?  What are your thoughts?

I catch myself thinking about eating just because it's mealtime.  Then I realize I'm not hungry and my energy is good.  I smile with gratitude for a different experience around food.  I didn't really need or want it anyway just then.  It feels so freeing to not pressure myself to measure portions and to not feel guilty when I eat food that I judged as "bad for me".  

I notice I don't really enjoy preparing meals unless Gary is here to enjoy them with me.  When it's just me, I mostly graze lightly while paying attention to what my body wants.  I have heard of statistics showing that cutting food intake by 30% can actually trigger a longevity gene in older people.   It certainly cuts down the energy expended by the body to digest food.