Self Compassion

At the end of 2013, when I was experiencing so much pain, I knew the antidote was self Love.  I have practiced various methods of emotional clearing and I knew I had just gone deeper. I had discovered a deep seated anger and resentment toward my little two year old self and needed to forgive her.  

It's easy to say, "Love and forgive yourself", but how does that feel?   I couldn't feel anything.  Again, the question, "How do I love myself?"  The next day I received in the mail a book by Marshall B. Rosenberg called Nonviolent Communication.  He has a whole chapter called "Connecting Compassionately With Ourselves". How timely is that?

The main message in this chapter is connecting and answering your needs in the moment.  "We are compassionate with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and recognize the NEEDS and values expressed by each part."  "Self-forgiveness: connecting with the need we were trying to meet when we took the action that we now regret." I could now forgive my little two year old with the understanding that she was answering my needs in that moment.  She needed the hug of approval so she could breathe again and feel loved.  (Check out my other blog, Pearls to Receiving Bliss "The Spanking", for the whole story.) 

One thing I know for sure.  You can only have love, forgiveness, and compassion for others to the degree that you have established it for yourself.  I had formed such a terrible habit of self abuse and wasn't aware of the root cause.  It kept showing up like a hard wired instinctual reaction.  I couldn't seem to get a grip on it.  This chapter on self compassion was so effective because it was about measurable actions I could take and practice, to assist me in breaking my habit.  

One of the things from his book that really gave me a clear picture for the antidote, "Shame is a form of self-hatred, and actions taken in reaction to shame are not free and joyful acts." ~ It seems the word should is a violent word with massive power to create shame and guilt.

The picture forming in my mind is the "should" and "have to" words are like handcuffs on a slave, whether they come from inside us or outside.  As human beings on a planet of Free will, we are not meant to be slaves to any form of authority.  So when we give in to the demands of "should", "ought to", or "have to", we dehumanize ourselves.  We keep ourselves in a mental prison.  The irony, of course, is that we have the key.  It's called Self Love.

Innocence is defined as a state of childlikeness; being free from expectations, attachments, beliefs, guile, and judgement.   Innocence is where we find our essence.  I confess, as a parent, I stole my children's innocence by "shoulding" all over them.  I taught them well how to do it to themselves, just like my parents unwittingly taught me.  I now have the opportunity to reteach myself and model self compassion for them.  

I now know that any action I take gets to come from the desire to contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation.  I realize, as I do this, I let go of the codependent tendencies in our relationships.  The attachments and expectations of the "shoulds".

The Seven Mirrors of Sacred Relationship

True sacred relationship begins with yourself because all relationships are reflections of you. Yes, it may be true that your partner does things that annoy you.   Even though they may be behaving in a particular way, you are the one who feels triggered. Therefore it is always yourself that you are in a relationship with first and foremost.

You are always being reminded of yourself in one way or another in any relationship but especially in the really close ones. This also means that you get to see the most beautiful parts of who you are as well as the ones that could be even happier.

There are seven essential mirrors for building sacred relationships based on the teachings of the Essenes, and shared here by James Gilliand. Since we live in a world that is based on attraction everything we do think or say will either attract what we want or repel it. This is based on the energy that we are radiating out into the universe all of the time. So we know that taking full personal responsibility for everything we have ever done, said, or thought in this life or another is the first fundamental quality of creating a sacred relationship.  Seeing everything as a mirror, which is only reflecting parts of ourselves, is the next fundamental idea.  It is one of the most powerful and effective tools I know.

The Seven Mirrors of Sacred Relationship

• The First Mirror reflects to us that which we are. It is something we ourselves have been doing or where we ourselves have been in error or wounded.

• The Second Mirror reflects back to us that which we judge. It is something we have been wounded by and have an emotional charge on. It can be something we have done in the past that we have not forgiven. It is good to discern however that when we condemn another with an emotional charge we are most likely judging ourselves.

• The Third Mirror reflects back to us something we have Lost, Given Away or had Taken Away. When we see something we love in another it is often something we have lost, given away or that has been stolen, in our own lives. Every relationship is a relationship with self, and often we try to reclaim what we lost, gave away or had taken away as a child. All of which can be reclaimed within self.

• The Fourth Mirror reflects back to us our most forgotten love. This could be a way of life, or a lost or unfinished relationship. Often it is a past life where a wrong conclusion from a past experience was created. These will recreate themselves over and over and over again until the conclusion is registered in the soul as wisdom.

• The Fifth Mirror reflects back Father/Mother. It is often said that we marry our father or mother. We also often become them, acting out both healthy and unhealthy patterns we learned as a child. Our father and mother are often like Gods to us and so we will often reflect aspects of our relationship with them onto our partners. We often choose our partners based on our relationship with our parents.

• The Sixth Mirror reflects back to us the Quest for Darkness or what is often referred to as a dark night of the soul. This is when we meet our greatest challenges, our greatest fears, and have been gathering the tools from life to confront and deal with them. The most important thing to remember is that our soul is giving us these opportunities to grow and evolve and that we are not victims.

• The Seventh Mirror reflects back to us our self perception. Others will perceive and treat us according to how we treat and perceive ourselves. If we have low self-esteem and do not see ourselves as worthy of love, or do not see our own beauty, others will reflect that back and they will not value us or see our beauty either. If we are bitter and unloving to others, they in kind may be that way with us. It is important here to learn how to be compassionate and loving with yourself and to embrace all that you are without judging yourself. Remember the only reason anyone has power over you is if they have something you want. Maybe that something, whether it be love, joy, or a personal connection to a Higher Power, can all be found within yourself.

These seven mirrors are just guidelines you can choose to use as ways to check in on where you are in your own self growth and awareness. Creating a sacred relationship requires that you first clean up your own messes, heal the wounded parts of yourself that get in the way of what you say you want and reclaim your power back from wherever you gave it away willingly or unwillingly.

When you take the time to work on your relationship with yourself first you will begin to notice the changes that are now being reflected back to you as you go about your life. You will begin to notice the difference in your relationship with your beloved. All relationships are sacred if we choose to hold it them that way but remember the one with yourself is the most important one you have.

Meridian of Time

I see  a pattern in what I refer to as "the process of Life", where we incarnate, as innocent beings of love and light, into physical bodies very similar in design to the animal kingdom.  Conditioned by our environment through belief systems, ego lies, labels, titles and structures, we go about with our protective illusions, navigating life the best we can.

When we reach 40 something, we begin to question the roles we've played out and beliefs we have been operating from, and what we have done with our lives. Some call this the "midlife crisis" based on the current life expectancy of man.  At this point our focus seems to change.  I see midlife crisis as nothing more than a turning point where ego (Edging God Out) begins to wane and Spirit takes precedence.  We begin to tap in to what is really true for us. 

It seems that each decade after 30 offers more empowerment, more introspection,  freeing ourselves from conditioned expectations, and discovering what really matters.  Then liberating our stories that keep us tied to the earth, letting go of attachments more with each decade, learning to be present and surrender to what is.  NOT striving! Playing.  Allowing. 

If we choose to enter this phase in the process with conscious awareness, we notice that we attract people to ourselves that reflect the voice in our head about who we are not.  The voice gets louder at a time when our soul asks us to examine ourselves for what is true.  We become increasingly clear about who we are not, through negative feedback from our environment, as our psyche becomes mature in what we know we want and who we are.  We begin to let go of the lies, roles, and belief systems that helped us navigate through the physical world as human animals.  

Our Spirit has then had a full on experience of being human. Now we begin the process of focusing on the spirit within, consciously developing the human Spirit, who we really are. When we come to this realization, and incorporate our whole mind and heart into this reality, we give it a possibility that because we are one with the creator of all life, we have the ability to merge the physical with spirit.  It is all about focus.

I recently discovered that there is actually a gift in the persona and perception we take on with our stories.  They transform into the very strengths that connect us to our true selves and propel us forward into expansion.  It's as if the first half of our lives is a "set up" for the second half to evolve from. And in the unique way that suits each human being. 

Our whole process is specifically matched with what our unique soul wants to learn, in the specific way we chose to learn it.  That is why letting go of judgements just makes sense.  How can you judge one snowflake from another?  Just because we are all One, doesn't mean we must duplicate each other.

*******

It occurred to me that the whole Bible illustrates beautifully the entire "process of Life", from innocence (Adam & Eve), to ascension (Jesus Christ).  I've always heard that Jesus Christ came in the "meridian of time".  Think about it.  The Old Testament was all about carnal Belief Systems, (a.k.a, b.s.), wars, conquering, idolatry, status, etc.  The New Testament is about spiritual ascension.  Hmmm….. If Jesus said, "Death is the last enemy to overcome."  Why do we think we have to die?  Just asking.

The Essenes were a group of people Jesus was said to have spent considerable time with.  They believed that everything that shows up in your life is a reflection of you, feedback about what you are wanting to learn, to let go of, for guidance, or information about where you are in your process, or what your subconscious is working through.  Based on this, there is no one out there but you.  Whether it be any sentient being, voice or object. I've heard it called "The Seven Mirrors of Sacred Relationship".  I judge it as an amazing system of interconnectedness.

The process of life never ceases to amaze me!! We see it all around us in nature too.  One thing I've noticed is that when we resist the process of life, as it is Divinely designed, we are miserable.  We become out of sorts mentally, emotionally, then physically.  Our body literally, physically wears our history. 

I believe this current "shift" we are experiencing brings a new energy, and with it new possibilities.  Exploring new possibilities may just be the greatest adventure yet!  Stay tuned!

Psychosocial Stages of Human Development

The first half of life seems to be driven mostly by ego.  Ego can be perceived as animal instincts necessary for navigating the physical realm as a human animal.  In the emotional aspects it can also be referred to as losing our innocence to ego, or taking on false identities during the various psychosocial stages of development.  There seems to be an inherent timeline for the cycle of human development.

Some of the ways ego shows up may be in conditioned beliefs about what we are supposed to do, to have, and to be.  In the first half of our lives our focus seems to be on outward goals such as acquiring things, status, what success is or isn’t.  Societal urges are usually based on  environmental conditioning of the mind by family, teachers, society, accepted traditions, religious beliefs or even media propaganda.  Combined with animal instincts, it is a constant process of adaptability and expansion in the physical realm.   

The chart below is a well known analysis done by a physiologist named Erik Erikson.  It has helpful information for parents to be aware of what their child is instinctually learning in their stage of development.  If we as parents pay attention to what the child is in the process of learning, we can support them in having a positive experience instead of thinking something is wrong and needs correction.  Though it is necessary to teach a child respect, it is also important to model it for them, not force it upon them.

Stage Basic Conflict Important Events Outcome Infancy (birth to 18 months) Trust vs. Mistrust Feeding Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliabilty, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust. Early Childhood (2 to 3 years) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt Toilet Training Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt. Preschool (3 to 5 years) Initiative vs. Guilt Exploration Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt. School Age (6 to 11 years) Industry vs. Inferiority School Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority. Adolescence (12 to 18 years) Identity vs. Role Confusion Social Relationships Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self. Young Adulthood (19 to 40 years) Intimacy vs. Isolation Relationships Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation. Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years) Generativity vs. Stagnation Work and Parenthood Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. Maturity(65 to death) Ego Integrity vs. Despair Reflection on Life Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.

I have to wonder, if the animal kingdom were keenly observed, if we would see these same stages manifest.  Is it true that the only difference between mankind and "lower" animal is what some refer to as God consciousness?  Scientists call it the ability to reason, but I think it goes further than that.

Stay with me for a version of the Adam and Eve story that opened my eyes to consider that the so called "original sin" was a definite intention of Creator.

Sungazing Benefits

First Three Months

H. R. Manek instructs sun gazers to begin their sun gazing journey by spending a maximum of 10 seconds on the first day looking directly into the sun during the safe hours, which are defined as within one hour after sunrise or within one hour of sunset. While sun gazing, it is important if possible to stand on warm, bare earth. This helps to ground you and enhances the sun gazing benefits.

On the second day, look for 20 seconds. Add 10 additional seconds every day thereafter. So, after 10 days, you will be looking at the sun for 100 seconds (e.g., one minute and 40 seconds).

In this first phase, it is common for people to begin experiencing a more positive mindset, less negativity, more confidence, more compassion, and less fear.

Three to Six Months

At the end of three months, your gazing time will be about 15 minutes. This is the period during which many people begin to find their physical diseases subsiding.

HRM also states that 70-80 percent of the energy synthesized from food is used by your brain to “fuel tensions and worries”, and after three months, these tensions go away, leaving this newly freed energy available for more productive use. You might also find your need for food decreasing.

When you reach 30 minutes duration, he states you will be “slowly liberated from physical disease” since, by then, your organs are all receiving their needed Prana, or life energy, directly from the sun.

Your body needs energy, not necessarily food. Food is actually our “secondary energy source,” according to HRM. The human body does not convert sunlight into energy in the same way plants do, with chlorophyll, but through a different photosynthesis process, like a photovoltaic cell.

HRM states:

“You are your own master at the end of 6 months."

Six to Nine Months

After 6 months, you will start to utilize the original form of “micro food,” which comes from the sun. This has the additional benefit of having no toxic waste attached to it.

At around 7.5 months, or 35 minutes per day of sun gazing, you can expect your hunger to start decreasing appreciably. Hunger results from the energy requirements of your body, which is a must for your existence. Conventionally, you are getting the sun energy indirectly by eating foods that are a by-product of sun energy. Now, you are getting the energy directly.

Between 8 and 9 months (44 minutes), HRM says you can expect your hunger to be pretty much gone. If it isn’t, he says it is because you don’t have enough belief in the process, and it will take you a little longer, but it is still achievable.

More importantly, at this stage, your energy levels are very high and you will have a very deep sense of well-being.

      After Nine Months

After nine months, you should discontinue solar gazing for the sake of eye care--your eyes have reached the limits of what they can safely take. However, your body will eventually become “discharged,” kind of like a battery, and must be recharged.

Recharging is accomplished by walking bare-foot, on bare earth, preferably in the sun, since the bare earth contains a great deal of sun energy.

This works, HRM explains, because the act of walking stimulates your pineal gland. As is described in reflexology your foot is a microcosm of your entire body, and your big toe is connected with your pineal gland. The other toes are connected to the other major glands of your body.

The recommended walking schedule is, walk for 6 consecutive days once you have completed your nine months of sun gazing, for 45 minutes per day. Just walk at a relaxed pace--no need to walk briskly or jog.

Then, walk regularly (he doesn’t give a minimum or maximum) for a year, always for 45 minutes. After a year of “recharging,” if you are satisfied with how you feel, you can discontinue bare foot walking. But if you want to strengthen your immune system, memory, intelligence, etc., then continue the walking.

He also mentions that many other mental and spiritual benefits are possible during this time, such as new psychic abilities, a built-in “navigational” system, and higher levels of brain activity. He states:

“Almost all problems get solved.”

Science has validated human psychic functions and medical experiments are being done to ascertain this.  Different body parts and organs get purified  due to detoxification once you stop eating.  

There is another utility value (other than food digestion) for the internal organs.The different internal organs play different mechanical parts for the purposes of space travel and flight. All the glands have a lot of functions and can perform at optimal level via sun energy.

Historically, a lot of people have remained without food. Accordingly in 1922, the Imperial Medical College in London decreed that solar rays were the ideal food for humans. However, no one mentioned what their technique was. For e.g. Yogananda, in his book Autobiography of Yogi, interviewed many saints and mystics to find out the secret of their lack of eating food.  The common reply was that the sun energy entered through a secret door. 

Sun gazing was also practiced by ancient Egyptians, Aztecs, Greeks, Mayans, in Tibetan Yoga and some traditions of Qigong, Tai Chi, and by some Native American tribes.

Sun gazing appears to be gaining momentum in this country, as more complementary health practices are gaining acceptance by the public. If we always demand an explanation for how something works before trying it, we might be cheating ourselves out of some great tools that can provide benefit. ~ Dr. Mercola M.D.

My Experience with Sungazing

When I first started gazing, I noticed pretty quickly that I enjoyed it, looked forward to it, and felt more peaceful. I began to notice that I didn't start to feel hungry until early afternoon.  

After six months I noticed my appetite decreasing.  When I ate heavy foods or overate, I felt uncomfortably bloated.  I began to pay more attention to what I ate and how it made me feel.  I really felt better if I didn't have a full meal, but just grazed.  I started wanting more liquid food like soups and juices.

When I left home for California, I had completed 44 minutes of gazing. It was time to start the bare foot walking 45 minutes  a day.  It felt good to just tune in to me to see if I needed to eat.  I soon realized I nearly always felt full.  My need for food was a mental clinging, or a habit of needing food.  Now I'm paying more attention to my energy levels as I exercise.  I'm realizing my body is gradually needing less and less food.   

One day I decided to spend the entire day down by the beach just walking around.  For breakfast I had about 4 0z. of smoothie and 2 tiny Valencia oranges, cuz they're good.  Not because I was hungry.  I started out bike riding at 10:00 a.m.  Then walked on the beach in the sun until noon.  After lying on the beach to rest a bit, I began to make the trek into town.

I wasn't hungry, but wanted to experience a treat I had enjoyed a few days ago. I finally arrived at the Grill only to find it closed.  In the meantime, I passed by several restaurants with a menagerie of food and smells.  I looked at several menus to see if anything looked good.  Nothing was calling to me.  I was not a bit hungry.  It took me by surprise.  In the past, I would have eaten just because it looked or smelled good, or because I had a story in my head that I needed food because of an increase in physical activity.  I felt very uninterested in any of the food.

It was getting cold.  My ride wouldn't pick me up for some time yet.  I needed to be warm.  I got a small cup of soup.  It warmed me and I felt extremely full.  Several hours later of walking, I went into a restaurant to warm up with some hot lemon water.  I was intending to eat another cup of soup just to pay for taking up space, but found I was much too full. 

I'm pleasantly surprised. During the fast I withheld food for a goal.  It became uncomfortable.  I didn't really understand.  I was doing sun gazing, but not really believing in it.  Now I'm realizing that unbelief is the only thing that holds me back from experiencing all that was promised in H.R.M.'s protocol.  Now I can go without food without having to be so conscious about my energy levels, and I don't feel deprived of food.  I mostly just don't want it.  

Today I tried to eat some nuts just to get them used.  They tasted okay, but feel heavy on my stomach.  This is a very different experience of food.  I love it.  The thing I'm most happy about is that my energy level remains good.  Also I need a lot less sleep.

How do You Measureably Love Yourself?

In nearly all the information I found concerning the Great Change, or Shift, the main theme was that we would be required to turn to Love in every moment, just to stay alive.  I see evidence of that already in many areas.  I see people fighting for their lives when old negative thought patterns are allowed to continue.  It seems that the new energy is requiring us to cleanse out negativity and replace fear with love, since negative thought patterns are based on fear. 

Science has proven that negative thoughts produce toxic chemicals in the body.  If it goes unchecked, it shows up as a disease or dis-ease. It can systematically break down the systems of the body, attacking the weakest systems first.  It kills the cells of the body faster than the body can produce new ones. The latest disease that I notice showing up more often is auto-immune disorder.  So the body actually attacks itself and has nothing to fight its environment with. How many of us are in the habit of negative self-talk?  Did you ever think of that as self abuse?

Think about it.  If we ARE beings of Love and Light, having a human experience in a world where darkness is a choice of Free Will, it seems that we are choosing to destroy ourselves.  Looking at the bigger picture, are we in fact, doing the same thing to our Mother Earth?  So as creators, what are we choosing to create?  What kind of world are we creating inside and out?

So I find myself in a place of being aware of old negative patterns and the need to choose Love for my well being.  Whenever the pain gets my attention,   It turns out self abuse can continue in thought habits so subtle we don't even notice.  This is where the  body gets to speak to us, get our attention, and support us in staying awake and aware.  It often shows up in pain or energy drain.  I think of my loved ones who are experiencing the same challenge.  I can't expect them to do something I have not done.

I asked the question to my good friend Christopher Stubbs, who is an amazing business breakthrough coach.  What are some measurable ways I can practice self love?  He said, "Be present enough with yourself to notice your thoughts, and notice how you respond to acknowledgments.  Breathe deeply when love is given.  Allow yourself to really FEEL it."  I needed something tangible. I was thinking about how that could work for me?  Remembering that a question leaves a void and the answer will come.

That night on Facebook, I found a page called Raw Naked Beauty Project.  WOW!  I mean WOW,  Katherine's story fit my own so closely in many aspects.  She had several posts on how to do "Selfie Lifts". Measurable ways to love yourself, including things we really need to do by ourselves, for ourselves and our bodies when Life feels like it really really just knocked us down.  Things that nurture soul and body.  Drifting into distractions, and being with others doesn't count.

• A "Selfie Lift" might look like a nice soak in the tub with lit candles.
• It might look like just some "me time" doing whatever it is you love to do.
• It might be meditation or walking in nature.
• Expressing gratitude for whatever is good in your life right now.
• Literally caressing and expressing love and appreciation for every organ of your body, your level of health.
• Hold your hands at your solar plexus while expressing any negativity you are feeling.  Then pour love into your body to fill the void.

Turns out we have a hard wired reaction to the negative because it threatens us.  According to scientific studies, five "Selfie Lifts" to every negative thought or experience is the recommended antidote.  The reason being that our defense mechanism is instinctual, meaning, it gets our full attention.  With positive thoughts, there is no threat, therefore not so much attention.  I wonder, if we are already subconsciously running negative stories about ourselves, we might even deflect positive feedback.  I was so inspired, I spent the rest of the night and the next day practicing letting the love all around me in, and practicing gratitude.

Then, I just happened to be reading a book called Grandmothers Council to the World.  It's about the thirteen indigenous Grandmothers, spiritual leaders, from all over the world who came together to bring us the message of what we can do to move through this difficult time with more ease.  Their main message is to 1) stay connected to yourself and all of nature, 2) face yourself, 3)be 100% present in each moment, 4)be quiet, LISTEN, 5)Let the elements love you, the wind hug you, the sunshine bless you. Breathe it all in, allowing and receiving the energy of life all around you. Know it is there to support you.  What a perfect addition to my "measurable" practice of self love.

The Grandmothers say, "Disease is a foreign thing.  It inhabits us to bother us into making necessary spiritual changes."  Sounds to me like our Spirit and body are actually working together to assist us in staying on track to do what we came to do.  Physical, emotional or mental pain or disability seem to be the most effective tools available to us until we get into the habit of loving ourselves.  What a great design!

The body is inherently designed to regenerate and repair itself.  It knows what to do.  It is up to us who occupy the body to create the environment to support its natural function.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly we, as creators, create the exact level of health and experiences to match our awareness and commitment.  So If we are committed to Love, we get tons of support in that.  If we are committed to drama and chaos, we get tons of experiences with that.

Pearls to Receiving Bliss

As my Journey to neverfood continues, I commit to being more consistent in posting.  I really appreciate my followers and visitors.  I would love to share insights, information and ongoing discoveries and would love this to be an interactive blog where you share your thoughts and insights, and we create a discussion.

I am also creating another blog of my memoirs.   The value I intend to create is to use the story of my journey through Life to illustrate some of the principles and keys I have gathered along the way.  I liken them to pearls.  In retrospect, I feel grateful for the rich and full life I have been given.  I see value in the way that my life has unfolded.  

As I watch this video on "How pearls are made"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T18E58vOTus ,  I notice the process is very similar to the process of life as it progresses.  The pearl is formed as the oyster covers the abrasive grain of sand with crystalline layers.  Oddly enough, the layers have the same pattern as the hexagonal "Flower of Life" in sacred geometry. The result being a highly valued and beautiful by product of the life lived by the shell.

I see the layers of the pearl much like the layers of ego identity we take upon ourselves.   However this cover up shows up, it is there to protect us from the abrasiveness and pain we often encounter in life, and to help us navigate more comfortably in the physical realm.  At some point our soul calls us to seek the truth of our origins, our true nature. 

Like a flower opening her petals to reveal a perfect and beautiful array of colors and patterns, also containing the sacred geometry of life, our life unfolds to reveal our purpose.  Flowers seem to me the closest thing to heaven on Earth.  When I fully inhale the fragrance, I experience the bliss I imagine heaven to be.  I'm inspired to continue my journey to bliss.  So I'm calling my new blog "Pearls to Receiving Bliss".  This blog is the story of my life, of unwinding what isn't me to what is.  This blog opens on March 1, and will be posted weekly.  See you there!  www.pearlstoreceivingbliss.blogspot.com

California, Here I Come!

Anticipating the end of my sun gazing process, I had arranged to go to California with Marinna for a few weeks.  When her trip got cancelled, another way was opened up immediately.  My dear friends Christopher and Megan were staying with me for a week while they prepared to move to California.  I made the request to come with them and everything just kept flowing from there. 

After a nine month process of gazing at the sun, which I completed January 31, 2014 at 44 minutes, the next phase is to walk barefoot on bare earth, 45 minutes a day, in the sun.  Since I live in Park City Utah, the ground is covered in snow and ice.  So beach time is a good solution.  

Secondly, I finally have clarity about how I want to do my blogs.  Now I want to get several ready to post so I can be consistent.  It’s hard to find time at home with so many distractions.  Finally, I felt I needed time out from my intimates to support myself in letting go of the emotional issues I am currently moving out of. There were many reasons to go and everything lined up beautifully.

While in California, I witnessed a scenario very similar to my own two year old spanking.  The child was in a lot of pain.  Instead of a spanking for crying, she received a very tender, nurturing, present response.  As the child's needs were met, I saw my own experience transform right before my eyes, into a very nurturing parental response.  It was very healing.  

Another thing I witnessed that was so beautiful and healing is the way Megan, a perfectionist in her own right, took time out from all the unpacking to nurture herself and her little one as needed, instead of getting caught up in "what needed to be done".  A great model for me.

My own body in so much pain, I have the opportunity to be gentle and loving with it, and give myself what I need without the stories filled with worries that something is wrong, as in the past.  I choose to see every experience as part of my transformational process.  

I choose to see the pain as negative thought patterns leaving my body.  Since the beginning of winter, I have felt a change stirring deep within me, a sort of shaking up.  I don’t know if the pure energy from the sun is cleaning out, or if it’s the QEC tapping, or the energies of the earth with the Great Change.  Maybe a combination.  It doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that I stay 100% present in every moment, in gratitude, grounded in peace, loving myself.

QEC Quantum Emotional Clearing

I learned with the fast to pay close attention to whatever showed up in my space and to see it as a reflection of the conflict I was feeling within.  I was beating myself up for making no progress on the book I was instructed to write. I knew it was a birth issue and didn’t know how to move through it.  So I beat myself up for that.  My dear friend, Marinna had come faithfully twice a month to support me and I had produced nothing.  I couldn’t even seem to get clear about how to start.  In the meantime, I attracted lots of attacks from my intimates, (people I’m closest to).  

I gave myself permission to not write the book at all.  It was too much of a struggle.  Finally, one morning in November as I was waking up, I asked myself, "What am I excited to get out of bed for?"  Nothing.  I had a daily routine I enjoyed, but nothing I was excited about.  I asked my self, "What would I be excited to do if nothing could stop me"?  The answer came in very clearly.  “Write my book”.

As soon as I recommitted with an intention to move through anything that got in the way, I started noticing little signs of co-dependency in my intimate relationships.  I could feel our relationships were about to change. They needed to.

My sister came to stay with me for a few days and asked if I wanted her to do some QEC with me.  I had never really been drawn to the tapping methods.  I agreed to allow her to practice on me to give her experience for certification.  I knew I was looking for assistance to move forward on my book and wondered if this is what Spirit was offering me.  I give everything a possibility.  As we tapped, I received some great clarity in excruciating detail from a book called Messages of the Body by Dr. Michael J.  Lincoln Ph.D.

For the next two months I experienced what I will refer to as a major emotional detox.  I was physically taken to a place of extreme discomfort.  I frantically tapped out the negative and tapped in the positive.  It felt like the rumbling inside of me turned into a full on earthquake!  

I was coming to the end of my sun gazing process, so I spent 40+ minutes with the morning sun, meditating, praying, breathing and giving thanks.  I finally remembered my Vapassana training, to BE WITH the pain.  Love the pain. Do not resist it, or wish it away.  See it as sankaras (negative thought patterns) leaving the body.  Appreciate the body releasing them.  See the healing.  Acknowledge the stories that come up in your head as you release them.  I chose to relax that part of me that holds onto the pain of the past.  It was part of my unconscious identity.  

As uncomfortable as the subconscious prison of my mind was, it was all I knew as a child.  It was normal.  What would I do if I were free of the responsibility of my family and of all the world wars constantly breaking out that I had to fix?  If I let go of the pain and the stories of my past who would I be?  It felt like my subconscious was having a freak out!

At the same time, I could clearly see how every little detail of my healing was being guided and supported by angels, seen and unseen.  I experienced several angels administering to me.  I could feel the cleansing energy moving down my spine.  Finally the muscle relaxed.

Yet the pain persisted.  Not in the muscle, but in the pleura. (the thin serous membrane around the lung and inner walls of the chest.)  I finally relaxed and made a decision to trust my body to know, in its wisdom, when it was ready to let go.  Perhaps the body being made of denser matter takes more time to process than Spirit.  I made myself as comfortable as possible and stayed present with the process.  Each day seemed a tiny improvement.  I imagined if I needed the pain as a reminder of what I needed to let go, I surrender in gratitude.  I hoped it wasn't a belief system I was running that my healing process had to be painful.  I do believe we create from the exact level of our awareness.  Observe!

It reminded me of the long recovery from the fast.  In fact the pain I experienced during the fast was in the same exact location.  I didn’t have the tools of awareness provided in Messages of the Body then.   What I had developed at that time was 100% presence in every moment with no judgement about good and bad.

“Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”

Time and No Time

As 2013 came to a close and I reflected back on the year, significant themes seemed to surface.  I noticed that many people were experiencing life with more intensity than ever before.  Instead of the experience being in your space, it's in your FACE.  There is NO TIME to analyze, you simply must make choices for Love and move forward.  My Mayan friend Francesco says this is the "time of no time", since Dec. 21, 2012, when the Mayan Long count Calendar ended.  Earth is in a new cycle in the calendar of time. . . or is it OUT of TIME?  

I have always had a fascination with prophecies, wondering how it will all play out and if any of them would come to pass in my lifetime.  A1997 video called Awakening to Zero Point,  by Greg Braden, documents the prophecies of all the world's religions concerning this time of great change, and synchronizes them with recorded geological changes in the earth's behavior.  

This was the first I had heard of the Mayan long count calendars that track time more accurately than any other source.  At the same time, I read a book called The Holy Science,  by Swami Sri Yukteswar about the 26,000 year reoccurring cycles of civilization on Earth called Yugas.  A Yuga is made up of five, 5,500 year periods.

I spent a little over two weeks in August with Francesco, a Mayan Elder from Guatemala who has an extensive knowledge of the sacred Mayan calendars and ancient teachings of the Maya as well as their prophecies.  He spoke of the 26,000 cycle as well.  He said that we are now on the last of the five periods.  He said this last period is when the masculine and feminine energies harmonize.

He also taught me about the 20 sacred calendars called Nawals.  Each Nawal has its own characteristic energies and operates on 13 different levels or vibrations.  I find it fascinating that this understanding all came to me in 2013.  

The last night of Francesco's visit to the U. S., he taught me the key to Mayan calendars 20:13, the codex.  It looks like a map of the universe.  It contains the "spiral of Life" symbol found in all indigenous cultures around the world. 

The day after the Mayan couple left, our fall Tai Chi class began.  I was so happy to have Gary’s support.  I was having difficulty getting grounded.  Something was stirring and it wasn’t leaving.  Yet, I felt at peace deep within me.

When I had some body work done, it was suggested that the bubbly joy I had been experiencing in my upper chakras, was simply integrating into my lower chakras.  So my experience of Joy was more of savoring quality rather than bubbly.  This suggestion landed.  It felt right on.  Yet there was something stirring in me that made me a little irritable at times.  My energy felt compromised.

Outgrow the Need for Food?

I don't know that inedia is a means to immortality, nor do I have a plan. I have a lot of excitement around exploring "beyond belief", all the possibilities available to the human race. There is still much to learn.  My hope is that we learn together.  Anything you are called to share is welcomed.

Doing the fast may be seen as a form of asceticism.  A few months ago, I recognized a lifelong pattern that started in puberty, of denying myself the pleasure of food and then binging as a reward when no one was looking. I suspected I had a food addiction, but it shocked me to realize that this could in reality be an eating disorder.  This awareness assisted me in being even more conscious around my relationship to food, and being more present with subtle emotions.  It also made sense why the hardest part of any fast for me was taking in food again.  When I started eating food again, it was as though it was an addiction.  I was ravenous.

I love the mindset the fast taught me, of trusting my body to do what it needs and assist me in knowing what that is, instead of thinking there is something wrong with me that needs fixing.  I made a decision to just allow myself to outgrow my food addiction naturally.

It seems that since I set this intention in motion, my body has been responding.  I cannot overeat even a little without going into extreme discomfort.  With sun gazing to support me, I have lost a lot of my desire for unconscious eating. It has changed my mindset around food.  I don't starve myself.  I give myself permission to eat what I love without judgement.  

Do you think the sun is one of many viable sources of food we have not yet developed?  I wonder if in our evolution, there is a connection between our search for more sustainable sources of energy, and the information surfacing about alternative sources of food?  What are your thoughts?

I catch myself thinking about eating just because it's mealtime.  Then I realize I'm not hungry and my energy is good.  I smile with gratitude for a different experience around food.  I didn't really need or want it anyway just then.  It feels so freeing to not pressure myself to measure portions and to not feel guilty when I eat food that I judged as "bad for me".  

I notice I don't really enjoy preparing meals unless Gary is here to enjoy them with me.  When it's just me, I mostly graze lightly while paying attention to what my body wants.  I have heard of statistics showing that cutting food intake by 30% can actually trigger a longevity gene in older people.   It certainly cuts down the energy expended by the body to digest food.