Food for Thought

As I feel my way back through this experiment with food and fasting, I recognize many precious truths discovered through observation and new insight.

I wanted to learn more about living in the moment, in the presence of God. I now know I had a rare opportunity to go there, and because I was in my home with my family, I became distracted by habitual doings, mindless things.

I had been warned to go away from my home, or send everyone away. I decided to stay, because I felt the setting is so perfect.  I didn't send family away because I knew they would respect my process and support me as best they could.  I was the one who stepped out of integrity by taking care of others and putting expectations on myself to keep things running.  The voice in my head says, "Can't ask someone else to do my job when I feel well enough to do it myself."  I imagine most of you can relate to that. 

It robbed me of the precious subtle energies, my body needed to do what I was asking it to do.  The imbalance that choice created scattered and distracted my focus from being with my process, to doing.  I now know this is a pattern of behavior familiar to me, and it is so subtle.  I hadn't seen it because I always had reserve energy.

I recognize where my body, mind, and Spirit were in complete alignment with my purpose. Where I see the line was crossed, is where I made unconscious choices early in the water fast that did not support my purpose.  I spent the energy my body needed to do what I was asking it to do, and used it for things that were not in alignment.   I recognize this as a pattern of behavior that doesn't serve me on a daily basis.

I have been shown that we are all Beings of Love and Light, here to give and receive Love. Love is who we are. Anything out of alignment with that is not real and doesn't serve essence. Giving and receiving is the yin and yang that keeps us in balance in this human experience. It comes as natural as breathing when we are balanced and in integrity with our essence, or Being. There is no effort involved.

What I learned in this experience is that with any deep cleansing of the body, the toxic energy of fear and other emotions we have not let go of will surface as much as any other toxin. Fear is the absence of love. They cannot co-exist. This is the very primal base of every choice we make in this realm of "free will".  It isn't a right or wrong choice, simply a choice in our experiment in a world of dense matter.

My experience with the energy of fear in this experiment, is that it is a powerful consuming energy.  Without any reserves, the energy of fear threw me very quickly into survival mode, out of touch with the power of Love available to me to carry out what I was asking my body to do.  It temporarily paralyzed me.
I had spent valuable Life Force energy doing trivial busyness and distractions instead of staying conscious about loving. nurturing, appreciating and honoring this most sacred and delicate process of the human body.

I wonder how many thousands of choices we make like this every day?  Where we spend energy doing things not in alignment with the heart, but based on the fear of rejection, or not good enough, or approval of others, holding up an image, and many other ego-fear based stories in our head.

I wonder if the myriad methods of mind control used in every type of media targeting these fears, is what has conditioned us to be such voracious, mindless consumers of Mother Earth's resources?  What do we give back to her to replenish what we consume?  Toxic trash?  Who does it really benefit? 

I have always felt a deep connection with Mother Earth.  Our bodies are built in her likeness.  This experience has revealed to me the exquisite pain she feels when her children abuse their bodies and each other.  I feel an overwhelming sadness at the disconnect from her and our own natural rhythms, that we have allowed ourselves to be caught up in, at an enormous cost to her and to ourselves.   

I feel as though she is going through a similar cleansing, healing crises as I am experiencing.  She knows how to find that balance, and will do what it takes.  I wonder if the best way we can support her, would be to make these changes within our very selves?  I wonder if this is the only way WE will survive the changes occuring so rapidly in our Mother, in her process of finding that balance? 

I wonder how the valuable lessons I learned about loving. nurturing, appreciating and honoring my body and her inner wisdom might be applied to supporting MOTHER EARTH in Her cleansing process?

I will be doing a great deal of resting and may not post on this blog for a few days.  I will be back.  Thank you for listening with an open mind and an open heart.  I welcome your thoughts and insights.