Along with the pearls of learning, awareness, insights, emotional healing, weight loss, and the opportunity to let go of judgements that I have gained with this experience; I now get to face some possibilities I wanted to think would never apply to me.
I believed if I had a positive attitude with specific affirmations, listened to my body, and destressed my life, my heart would stay strong and healthy, and I would never have to face the debilitating effects common to people who live with atrial fibrillation. I really felt I was living that life of perfect health and expressed gratitude every day for the level of health I enjoyed.
When I made the descision to do a 40 day water fast, I didn't think about the possibility of it putting so much stress on my heart. I had experienced it being sensitive to eating a heavy meal, or any significant change in dietary habits. I just felt so good, I didn't anticipate the impact the fast would have on my heart.
I realize now, that the fast was a sort of stress test, which manifests symptoms that would very likely show up anyway as time goes on. I didn't think I was in denial of my heart condition, I just thought I could beat the odds if I did all the "right" things. Mind over matter, right?
I'm feeling kinda low physically and emotionally. I know a Vapassana attitude would be very helpful right now. BE WITH WHAT IS. No judgement, no aversion, no attachment to what I want.
What I'm grateful for tonight, is that in my search for answers, I've discovered a new breakthrough for people with A-fib, that I feel excited to look into. I've surrendered to the medications for now, and I would like to get back to a healthy heart--without A-fib. I see that possibility, and will be persuing it.
The honesty with which you've shared this experience is very refreshing and not a lot of people could do that. I pray for you and wish you well. Love, Ginny
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