BE With What IS

Along with the pearls of learning, awareness,  insights, emotional healing, weight loss, and the opportunity to let go of judgements that I have gained with this experience; I now get to face some possibilities I wanted to think would never apply to me.

I believed if I had a positive attitude with specific affirmations, listened to my body, and destressed my life, my heart would stay strong and healthy, and I would never have to face the debilitating effects common to people who live with atrial fibrillation.  I really felt I was living that life of perfect health and expressed gratitude every day for the level of health I enjoyed.

When I made the descision to do a 40 day water fast, I didn't think about the possibility of it putting so much stress on my heart.  I had experienced it being sensitive to eating a heavy meal, or any significant change in dietary habits.  I just felt so good, I didn't anticipate the impact the fast would have on my heart.

I realize now, that the fast was a sort of stress test, which manifests symptoms that would very likely show up anyway as time goes on.  I didn't think I was in denial of my heart condition, I just thought I could beat the odds if I did all the "right" things.  Mind over matter, right?

I'm feeling kinda low physically and emotionally.   I know a Vapassana attitude would be very helpful right now.  BE WITH WHAT IS.  No judgement, no aversion, no attachment to what I want.

What I'm grateful for tonight, is that in my search for answers, I've discovered a new breakthrough for people with A-fib, that I feel excited to look into.  I've surrendered to the medications for now, and I would like to get back to a healthy heart--without A-fib.  I see that possibility, and will be persuing it.