My Experience with Sungazing

When I first started gazing, I noticed pretty quickly that I enjoyed it, looked forward to it, and felt more peaceful. I began to notice that I didn't start to feel hungry until early afternoon.  

After six months I noticed my appetite decreasing.  When I ate heavy foods or overate, I felt uncomfortably bloated.  I began to pay more attention to what I ate and how it made me feel.  I really felt better if I didn't have a full meal, but just grazed.  I started wanting more liquid food like soups and juices.

When I left home for California, I had completed 44 minutes of gazing. It was time to start the bare foot walking 45 minutes  a day.  It felt good to just tune in to me to see if I needed to eat.  I soon realized I nearly always felt full.  My need for food was a mental clinging, or a habit of needing food.  Now I'm paying more attention to my energy levels as I exercise.  I'm realizing my body is gradually needing less and less food.   

One day I decided to spend the entire day down by the beach just walking around.  For breakfast I had about 4 0z. of smoothie and 2 tiny Valencia oranges, cuz they're good.  Not because I was hungry.  I started out bike riding at 10:00 a.m.  Then walked on the beach in the sun until noon.  After lying on the beach to rest a bit, I began to make the trek into town.

I wasn't hungry, but wanted to experience a treat I had enjoyed a few days ago. I finally arrived at the Grill only to find it closed.  In the meantime, I passed by several restaurants with a menagerie of food and smells.  I looked at several menus to see if anything looked good.  Nothing was calling to me.  I was not a bit hungry.  It took me by surprise.  In the past, I would have eaten just because it looked or smelled good, or because I had a story in my head that I needed food because of an increase in physical activity.  I felt very uninterested in any of the food.

It was getting cold.  My ride wouldn't pick me up for some time yet.  I needed to be warm.  I got a small cup of soup.  It warmed me and I felt extremely full.  Several hours later of walking, I went into a restaurant to warm up with some hot lemon water.  I was intending to eat another cup of soup just to pay for taking up space, but found I was much too full. 

I'm pleasantly surprised. During the fast I withheld food for a goal.  It became uncomfortable.  I didn't really understand.  I was doing sun gazing, but not really believing in it.  Now I'm realizing that unbelief is the only thing that holds me back from experiencing all that was promised in H.R.M.'s protocol.  Now I can go without food without having to be so conscious about my energy levels, and I don't feel deprived of food.  I mostly just don't want it.  

Today I tried to eat some nuts just to get them used.  They tasted okay, but feel heavy on my stomach.  This is a very different experience of food.  I love it.  The thing I'm most happy about is that my energy level remains good.  Also I need a lot less sleep.

How do You Measureably Love Yourself?

In nearly all the information I found concerning the Great Change, or Shift, the main theme was that we would be required to turn to Love in every moment, just to stay alive.  I see evidence of that already in many areas.  I see people fighting for their lives when old negative thought patterns are allowed to continue.  It seems that the new energy is requiring us to cleanse out negativity and replace fear with love, since negative thought patterns are based on fear. 

Science has proven that negative thoughts produce toxic chemicals in the body.  If it goes unchecked, it shows up as a disease or dis-ease. It can systematically break down the systems of the body, attacking the weakest systems first.  It kills the cells of the body faster than the body can produce new ones. The latest disease that I notice showing up more often is auto-immune disorder.  So the body actually attacks itself and has nothing to fight its environment with. How many of us are in the habit of negative self-talk?  Did you ever think of that as self abuse?

Think about it.  If we ARE beings of Love and Light, having a human experience in a world where darkness is a choice of Free Will, it seems that we are choosing to destroy ourselves.  Looking at the bigger picture, are we in fact, doing the same thing to our Mother Earth?  So as creators, what are we choosing to create?  What kind of world are we creating inside and out?

So I find myself in a place of being aware of old negative patterns and the need to choose Love for my well being.  Whenever the pain gets my attention,   It turns out self abuse can continue in thought habits so subtle we don't even notice.  This is where the  body gets to speak to us, get our attention, and support us in staying awake and aware.  It often shows up in pain or energy drain.  I think of my loved ones who are experiencing the same challenge.  I can't expect them to do something I have not done.

I asked the question to my good friend Christopher Stubbs, who is an amazing business breakthrough coach.  What are some measurable ways I can practice self love?  He said, "Be present enough with yourself to notice your thoughts, and notice how you respond to acknowledgments.  Breathe deeply when love is given.  Allow yourself to really FEEL it."  I needed something tangible. I was thinking about how that could work for me?  Remembering that a question leaves a void and the answer will come.

That night on Facebook, I found a page called Raw Naked Beauty Project.  WOW!  I mean WOW,  Katherine's story fit my own so closely in many aspects.  She had several posts on how to do "Selfie Lifts". Measurable ways to love yourself, including things we really need to do by ourselves, for ourselves and our bodies when Life feels like it really really just knocked us down.  Things that nurture soul and body.  Drifting into distractions, and being with others doesn't count.

• A "Selfie Lift" might look like a nice soak in the tub with lit candles.
• It might look like just some "me time" doing whatever it is you love to do.
• It might be meditation or walking in nature.
• Expressing gratitude for whatever is good in your life right now.
• Literally caressing and expressing love and appreciation for every organ of your body, your level of health.
• Hold your hands at your solar plexus while expressing any negativity you are feeling.  Then pour love into your body to fill the void.

Turns out we have a hard wired reaction to the negative because it threatens us.  According to scientific studies, five "Selfie Lifts" to every negative thought or experience is the recommended antidote.  The reason being that our defense mechanism is instinctual, meaning, it gets our full attention.  With positive thoughts, there is no threat, therefore not so much attention.  I wonder, if we are already subconsciously running negative stories about ourselves, we might even deflect positive feedback.  I was so inspired, I spent the rest of the night and the next day practicing letting the love all around me in, and practicing gratitude.

Then, I just happened to be reading a book called Grandmothers Council to the World.  It's about the thirteen indigenous Grandmothers, spiritual leaders, from all over the world who came together to bring us the message of what we can do to move through this difficult time with more ease.  Their main message is to 1) stay connected to yourself and all of nature, 2) face yourself, 3)be 100% present in each moment, 4)be quiet, LISTEN, 5)Let the elements love you, the wind hug you, the sunshine bless you. Breathe it all in, allowing and receiving the energy of life all around you. Know it is there to support you.  What a perfect addition to my "measurable" practice of self love.

The Grandmothers say, "Disease is a foreign thing.  It inhabits us to bother us into making necessary spiritual changes."  Sounds to me like our Spirit and body are actually working together to assist us in staying on track to do what we came to do.  Physical, emotional or mental pain or disability seem to be the most effective tools available to us until we get into the habit of loving ourselves.  What a great design!

The body is inherently designed to regenerate and repair itself.  It knows what to do.  It is up to us who occupy the body to create the environment to support its natural function.  It never ceases to amaze me how quickly we, as creators, create the exact level of health and experiences to match our awareness and commitment.  So If we are committed to Love, we get tons of support in that.  If we are committed to drama and chaos, we get tons of experiences with that.

Pearls to Receiving Bliss

As my Journey to neverfood continues, I commit to being more consistent in posting.  I really appreciate my followers and visitors.  I would love to share insights, information and ongoing discoveries and would love this to be an interactive blog where you share your thoughts and insights, and we create a discussion.

I am also creating another blog of my memoirs.   The value I intend to create is to use the story of my journey through Life to illustrate some of the principles and keys I have gathered along the way.  I liken them to pearls.  In retrospect, I feel grateful for the rich and full life I have been given.  I see value in the way that my life has unfolded.  

As I watch this video on "How pearls are made"  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T18E58vOTus ,  I notice the process is very similar to the process of life as it progresses.  The pearl is formed as the oyster covers the abrasive grain of sand with crystalline layers.  Oddly enough, the layers have the same pattern as the hexagonal "Flower of Life" in sacred geometry. The result being a highly valued and beautiful by product of the life lived by the shell.

I see the layers of the pearl much like the layers of ego identity we take upon ourselves.   However this cover up shows up, it is there to protect us from the abrasiveness and pain we often encounter in life, and to help us navigate more comfortably in the physical realm.  At some point our soul calls us to seek the truth of our origins, our true nature. 

Like a flower opening her petals to reveal a perfect and beautiful array of colors and patterns, also containing the sacred geometry of life, our life unfolds to reveal our purpose.  Flowers seem to me the closest thing to heaven on Earth.  When I fully inhale the fragrance, I experience the bliss I imagine heaven to be.  I'm inspired to continue my journey to bliss.  So I'm calling my new blog "Pearls to Receiving Bliss".  This blog is the story of my life, of unwinding what isn't me to what is.  This blog opens on March 1, and will be posted weekly.  See you there!  www.pearlstoreceivingbliss.blogspot.com

California, Here I Come!

Anticipating the end of my sun gazing process, I had arranged to go to California with Marinna for a few weeks.  When her trip got cancelled, another way was opened up immediately.  My dear friends Christopher and Megan were staying with me for a week while they prepared to move to California.  I made the request to come with them and everything just kept flowing from there. 

After a nine month process of gazing at the sun, which I completed January 31, 2014 at 44 minutes, the next phase is to walk barefoot on bare earth, 45 minutes a day, in the sun.  Since I live in Park City Utah, the ground is covered in snow and ice.  So beach time is a good solution.  

Secondly, I finally have clarity about how I want to do my blogs.  Now I want to get several ready to post so I can be consistent.  It’s hard to find time at home with so many distractions.  Finally, I felt I needed time out from my intimates to support myself in letting go of the emotional issues I am currently moving out of. There were many reasons to go and everything lined up beautifully.

While in California, I witnessed a scenario very similar to my own two year old spanking.  The child was in a lot of pain.  Instead of a spanking for crying, she received a very tender, nurturing, present response.  As the child's needs were met, I saw my own experience transform right before my eyes, into a very nurturing parental response.  It was very healing.  

Another thing I witnessed that was so beautiful and healing is the way Megan, a perfectionist in her own right, took time out from all the unpacking to nurture herself and her little one as needed, instead of getting caught up in "what needed to be done".  A great model for me.

My own body in so much pain, I have the opportunity to be gentle and loving with it, and give myself what I need without the stories filled with worries that something is wrong, as in the past.  I choose to see every experience as part of my transformational process.  

I choose to see the pain as negative thought patterns leaving my body.  Since the beginning of winter, I have felt a change stirring deep within me, a sort of shaking up.  I don’t know if the pure energy from the sun is cleaning out, or if it’s the QEC tapping, or the energies of the earth with the Great Change.  Maybe a combination.  It doesn’t really matter.  What matters is that I stay 100% present in every moment, in gratitude, grounded in peace, loving myself.

QEC Quantum Emotional Clearing

I learned with the fast to pay close attention to whatever showed up in my space and to see it as a reflection of the conflict I was feeling within.  I was beating myself up for making no progress on the book I was instructed to write. I knew it was a birth issue and didn’t know how to move through it.  So I beat myself up for that.  My dear friend, Marinna had come faithfully twice a month to support me and I had produced nothing.  I couldn’t even seem to get clear about how to start.  In the meantime, I attracted lots of attacks from my intimates, (people I’m closest to).  

I gave myself permission to not write the book at all.  It was too much of a struggle.  Finally, one morning in November as I was waking up, I asked myself, "What am I excited to get out of bed for?"  Nothing.  I had a daily routine I enjoyed, but nothing I was excited about.  I asked my self, "What would I be excited to do if nothing could stop me"?  The answer came in very clearly.  “Write my book”.

As soon as I recommitted with an intention to move through anything that got in the way, I started noticing little signs of co-dependency in my intimate relationships.  I could feel our relationships were about to change. They needed to.

My sister came to stay with me for a few days and asked if I wanted her to do some QEC with me.  I had never really been drawn to the tapping methods.  I agreed to allow her to practice on me to give her experience for certification.  I knew I was looking for assistance to move forward on my book and wondered if this is what Spirit was offering me.  I give everything a possibility.  As we tapped, I received some great clarity in excruciating detail from a book called Messages of the Body by Dr. Michael J.  Lincoln Ph.D.

For the next two months I experienced what I will refer to as a major emotional detox.  I was physically taken to a place of extreme discomfort.  I frantically tapped out the negative and tapped in the positive.  It felt like the rumbling inside of me turned into a full on earthquake!  

I was coming to the end of my sun gazing process, so I spent 40+ minutes with the morning sun, meditating, praying, breathing and giving thanks.  I finally remembered my Vapassana training, to BE WITH the pain.  Love the pain. Do not resist it, or wish it away.  See it as sankaras (negative thought patterns) leaving the body.  Appreciate the body releasing them.  See the healing.  Acknowledge the stories that come up in your head as you release them.  I chose to relax that part of me that holds onto the pain of the past.  It was part of my unconscious identity.  

As uncomfortable as the subconscious prison of my mind was, it was all I knew as a child.  It was normal.  What would I do if I were free of the responsibility of my family and of all the world wars constantly breaking out that I had to fix?  If I let go of the pain and the stories of my past who would I be?  It felt like my subconscious was having a freak out!

At the same time, I could clearly see how every little detail of my healing was being guided and supported by angels, seen and unseen.  I experienced several angels administering to me.  I could feel the cleansing energy moving down my spine.  Finally the muscle relaxed.

Yet the pain persisted.  Not in the muscle, but in the pleura. (the thin serous membrane around the lung and inner walls of the chest.)  I finally relaxed and made a decision to trust my body to know, in its wisdom, when it was ready to let go.  Perhaps the body being made of denser matter takes more time to process than Spirit.  I made myself as comfortable as possible and stayed present with the process.  Each day seemed a tiny improvement.  I imagined if I needed the pain as a reminder of what I needed to let go, I surrender in gratitude.  I hoped it wasn't a belief system I was running that my healing process had to be painful.  I do believe we create from the exact level of our awareness.  Observe!

It reminded me of the long recovery from the fast.  In fact the pain I experienced during the fast was in the same exact location.  I didn’t have the tools of awareness provided in Messages of the Body then.   What I had developed at that time was 100% presence in every moment with no judgement about good and bad.

“Growth means change and change involves risk, stepping from the known to the unknown.”

Time and No Time

As 2013 came to a close and I reflected back on the year, significant themes seemed to surface.  I noticed that many people were experiencing life with more intensity than ever before.  Instead of the experience being in your space, it's in your FACE.  There is NO TIME to analyze, you simply must make choices for Love and move forward.  My Mayan friend Francesco says this is the "time of no time", since Dec. 21, 2012, when the Mayan Long count Calendar ended.  Earth is in a new cycle in the calendar of time. . . or is it OUT of TIME?  

I have always had a fascination with prophecies, wondering how it will all play out and if any of them would come to pass in my lifetime.  A1997 video called Awakening to Zero Point,  by Greg Braden, documents the prophecies of all the world's religions concerning this time of great change, and synchronizes them with recorded geological changes in the earth's behavior.  

This was the first I had heard of the Mayan long count calendars that track time more accurately than any other source.  At the same time, I read a book called The Holy Science,  by Swami Sri Yukteswar about the 26,000 year reoccurring cycles of civilization on Earth called Yugas.  A Yuga is made up of five, 5,500 year periods.

I spent a little over two weeks in August with Francesco, a Mayan Elder from Guatemala who has an extensive knowledge of the sacred Mayan calendars and ancient teachings of the Maya as well as their prophecies.  He spoke of the 26,000 cycle as well.  He said that we are now on the last of the five periods.  He said this last period is when the masculine and feminine energies harmonize.

He also taught me about the 20 sacred calendars called Nawals.  Each Nawal has its own characteristic energies and operates on 13 different levels or vibrations.  I find it fascinating that this understanding all came to me in 2013.  

The last night of Francesco's visit to the U. S., he taught me the key to Mayan calendars 20:13, the codex.  It looks like a map of the universe.  It contains the "spiral of Life" symbol found in all indigenous cultures around the world. 

The day after the Mayan couple left, our fall Tai Chi class began.  I was so happy to have Gary’s support.  I was having difficulty getting grounded.  Something was stirring and it wasn’t leaving.  Yet, I felt at peace deep within me.

When I had some body work done, it was suggested that the bubbly joy I had been experiencing in my upper chakras, was simply integrating into my lower chakras.  So my experience of Joy was more of savoring quality rather than bubbly.  This suggestion landed.  It felt right on.  Yet there was something stirring in me that made me a little irritable at times.  My energy felt compromised.

Outgrow the Need for Food?

I don't know that inedia is a means to immortality, nor do I have a plan. I have a lot of excitement around exploring "beyond belief", all the possibilities available to the human race. There is still much to learn.  My hope is that we learn together.  Anything you are called to share is welcomed.

Doing the fast may be seen as a form of asceticism.  A few months ago, I recognized a lifelong pattern that started in puberty, of denying myself the pleasure of food and then binging as a reward when no one was looking. I suspected I had a food addiction, but it shocked me to realize that this could in reality be an eating disorder.  This awareness assisted me in being even more conscious around my relationship to food, and being more present with subtle emotions.  It also made sense why the hardest part of any fast for me was taking in food again.  When I started eating food again, it was as though it was an addiction.  I was ravenous.

I love the mindset the fast taught me, of trusting my body to do what it needs and assist me in knowing what that is, instead of thinking there is something wrong with me that needs fixing.  I made a decision to just allow myself to outgrow my food addiction naturally.

It seems that since I set this intention in motion, my body has been responding.  I cannot overeat even a little without going into extreme discomfort.  With sun gazing to support me, I have lost a lot of my desire for unconscious eating. It has changed my mindset around food.  I don't starve myself.  I give myself permission to eat what I love without judgement.  

Do you think the sun is one of many viable sources of food we have not yet developed?  I wonder if in our evolution, there is a connection between our search for more sustainable sources of energy, and the information surfacing about alternative sources of food?  What are your thoughts?

I catch myself thinking about eating just because it's mealtime.  Then I realize I'm not hungry and my energy is good.  I smile with gratitude for a different experience around food.  I didn't really need or want it anyway just then.  It feels so freeing to not pressure myself to measure portions and to not feel guilty when I eat food that I judged as "bad for me".  

I notice I don't really enjoy preparing meals unless Gary is here to enjoy them with me.  When it's just me, I mostly graze lightly while paying attention to what my body wants.  I have heard of statistics showing that cutting food intake by 30% can actually trigger a longevity gene in older people.   It certainly cuts down the energy expended by the body to digest food.