I discovered in Women Food and God how much of my life I have spent trying to fix something or someone I judge as broken, including and especially myself. I hardly remember a time when I didn't think there was something wrong with me; - my body, my personality, my mind, my decisions, my very existence. I went the extra mile to make sure no one else discovered it. As I think back on my life, I found a plethora of stories, events, and pain that presented plenty of proof there was something wrong with me that I needed to fix.
Just a year ago, during a massage, I began exploring some of the stories in my head that I was holding on to. At the time, I was trying very hard to fix one of my children, and I still had some concern about a heart condition I had been experiencing. I became aware that my unfinished projects were keeping me interested in staying on the planet. If I ran out of meaningful projects, what would be the purpose of staying? I also realized I had created the heart condition as a back door out if I didn't want to stay.
AH-HA! I realized when I NEED a purpose, I'm still coming from a place of lack, of needing to be valued. It's amazing how subtle error thoughts can be. Tricky little beggars. Here's a trick. When I let go the need to fix my children or my body, I moved on to "righting" the whole world. I then took up the crusade of the Highest-Good-for-All project, striving to get the word out. I finally realized a couple of months ago that even that is a distraction to knowing who I AM.
I just LOVE inner work! Isn't life beautiful how it just keeps unfolding, letting another layer show. Each layer reveals more beauty more light, more Love. Yummm! Women Food and God helped me see how I can use food as one of the many tools for inner work.
No comments:
Post a Comment